In Defense of Burning Bridges

I am confident that the topic of “Burning Bridges,” is extremely controversial with most people lining up for their compulsory exit interview. If that idiom even enters the equation, you have probably been fired. Many will say it also applies to people who voluntarily leave a position where they have been unhappy, but I would like to home in on situations whereby you feel you have been unfairly dismissed.

On the way out the door, you are expected to have a smile on your face, thanks for the opportunity blah, blah blah….so that if for some reason you need to come back you can return one day. What? Really? I think the people that ascribe to that school of thought never made any waves, rocked any boats, stepped out of line. They colored inside the lines, did not push the envelope, and operated from a point of contentment.

I have a habit of “ruffling feathers” (code for speaking my mind), so I have been told, and years ago it cost me my job as a consultant at one of the world’s largest banks. All good things come to an end and after almost 6 years I was done (not a bad gig for what many considered an unstable employment choice that started out as a 3-month assignment). At a meeting, I respectfully disagreed with one of the executives; a bully with an outsized ego, not an unintelligent man, but someone who did not enjoy being challenged. With absolutely no interest in understanding the situation, (I did tell you he had an outsized ego) he decided instead to make an example of me. I have not one regret about what led to my departure and would not change a thing about that exchange, at least my part. Keep in mind that most of my tenure there had been wonderful, but it would be the last place I would return. I bid adieu to all my friends, some now lifelong and took away all the positives. I figured I could get another job and I did, 6 weeks later at the height of the 2008 recession.

I have never operated traditionally in my career, do not confuse it with being unprofessional, but I have a different philosophy. When counseled to not burn any bridges, my response has been, metaphorically “I’ll burn the whole place down.” That sounds extremely harsh, unreasonable, even immature, but every experience is different and must be judged accordingly. But what always struck me as odd was why people would feel the place, they were leaving was the only one they could return to. Why worry about burning a bridge that rightly needs burning to leave the door open for a return to a place where they did not fit in? Please no clap back from the “I have a family to support” crowd. So did I.

I am a nonconformist, so what is normal to me might be foreign to others. I am a big believer that we are all responsible for how we let people treat us, which includes bosses. We all must apply our own standards to how we navigate life both personally and professionally. If you find yourself being bullied by someone who has no interest in understanding your position and to bolster their ego that person surrounds themselves with a posse to further intimidate, then you have choices to make.

Looking back at my situation I did not for one minute decide not to defend my position so I could be spared the reality of losing my job nor did I even consider how it could affect me forward. This was not self-sabotage, but my decision to no longer be part of an environment where I was not valued. At that exact moment when disrespect hit me in the face, I had a decision to make, apologize and beg for forgiveness for daring to have an opinion, or stand by my principles. We know how that ended.

My industry is small but diverse. It is silly to think that his opinion of me was the only one that counted. The thought that burning a bridge is career ending; a decision that comes without an escape hatch, would never exist in my psyche. I always feel like I have choices. I have never had a problem finding work, hardworking people normally do not. Every time I burned a bridge or 2 (to be exact) I was prepared to cross another one. Life is about being clear about what you want, so even though these experiences I am sharing have worked for me, situations are nuanced, and people are complex and petty at the same time, so make sure you have the goods, whether that is an expertise, a sterling reputation, a work ethic, the willingness to get your hands dirty, something that sets you apart before you strike that match.